So I thought a new writing piece that would work is me telling humorous stories from my past (much like my book), these stories will often be ones my friends know but perhaps in fuller detail.
I had originally thought to call this “Stories I Tell My Friends” but found out that Rob Lowe had the indencency to call his autobiography that years ago. (Cool title anyway)
The title “Yeah, so this happened”, while actually being a common phrase, jumps to mind because it was the subject of an email for this titular story.
I was late for work. Again. (It concerns me how many of my stories start this way)
I parked my car in the carpark in Woden. I leaped out of my car… and saw having just exited the car next to me was an extremely cute girl. My mind debated, glancing at my watch. I was already late, I was already getting in trouble.
I couldn’t be any later. Had I been thinking clearly I could’ve stopped and said
“Hey, I’m running really late for work so I can’t really stop and talk. If you feel like grabbing a drink sometime give me a call.”
I know I COULD have said because I proceeded to quietly beat myself up for it for the rest of the day. Why didn’t you just say SOMETHING you fool?!
And all those platitudes of
Rejection doesn’t suck as much as regret.
“‘What’ and ‘If’ are fine on their own but can be suck if they’re put together.”
all kept repeating over in my mind.
At the end of the day of a long day of work I walked back to my car and realise the girl’s car was still parked next to mine. Even though I’d had to stay back late, she hadn’t left yet.
I surveyed my options.
1. I *could* wait at my car to ask her out. Although this, to me at least, seemed a little stalker-ish and might freak her out.
2. I could hope to bump into the carpark again another day
3. I could write a note on the back of one of my business cards and leave it on her windscreen.
Number 3. Seemed like a solid option. So grabbing a pen I scrawled the following note. (I have a photo I will post below… no… I didn’t take a photo of the card… we’ll get to that shortly)
“Saw you this morning and thought you were cute but do my being extremely late I didn’t get a chance to ask you out. If you’re for a drink give me a call. -Liam”
So I placed it under her windscreen wipers and drove off.
About two hours later I got a text on my phone from my friend Kirsty.
“Saw you tried the business card thing. Nice work!”
I was genuinely perplexed. I had mentioned the business card idea to Kirsty in passing earlier that day but deliberately didn’t tell anyone I tried it. Kirsty worked in the same building, could she have walked past the girl’s car and spotted the business card there? How the hell would she have known that’s what it was?!
Figuring there was only way to end my confusion I called her.
“How the hell did you find out about it?! Because I deliverately didn’t tell ANYONE.”
“Because I’m friends with and she posted it on facebook!”
I froze. And laughed. Got off the phone call and fled to my computer.
As Kirsty had commented on the photo, I didn’t even have to track down the girl’s profile, it popped in my feed.
I have screenshoted it below but I have to say, you had to be me to live through the next few minutes of reading comments and stay level headed, and at the end of day, even amused.
Nicole, who was indeed the name of the girl in question, posted the following:
“OMG just found this on my car windscreen and his a marriage celebrant! Wtf??? Lol”
(The business card was for my side job as marriage celebrant. The fact it lists me as ‘Best Marriage Celebrant In The Universe’ may have either worked for or against me.)
And then the comments. Oh the comments. Luckily, for the most part, they were positive.
“Hahaha Go Liam!”
“Hahahaa I worked with a few blokes who have actually picked up this way”
“You love it.”
“Baha! Best! That happen to me only a month ago… Guys these days lol. #YOLO”
(I like the YOLO at the end here. Really speaks to the spirit of the incident.)
And one of my personal favourites:
“SHOW YOUR DAD IMMEDIATELY! He will be so happy you have found a husband!!!”
the same commenter followed immediately with
“A marriage celebrant to boot! DIY Wedding!! Mr Ganting! Look!”
(I changed the surname there to protect her identity.)
And then there were the pessimists among them, thankfully, they were largely in the minor numbers:
“Haha Liam could be 12 yrs old with that handwriting lol”
To be fair now… I was writing on the back of a business. It’s really hard to fit all that it in and write neat.
“I’d be concerned about that handwriting”
Someone else chimed
“I got mates with worse hahah” a third comment followed somewhat defending the handwriting.
And a fellow who just commented
Which I strongly contest with.
Thankfully, my good friend Kirsty defended my honour here with the best comment of
“He’s MY marriage celebrant. And best mate from school!”
It’s a strange feeling to see something like this blow up so quickly. Admittedly, it wasn’t the first time (the previous time involved an ad for a new housemate) that made the newspaper, but that’s a story for another time.
Figuring there was only one way to handle this which was to look at the humorous side and walk through with a smile. I took screenshots and sent them to all my friends, with a brief description and the added final line of “And me emailing to all my friends? That’s called owning it!”
I sent to my co-workers in the mailroom I worked in at the time as well. I was out on a mailrun (internal in the building) when my mobile rang. I answered it and heard Dave, one of the other mailroom guys, talking. Or at least trying to talk because he was laughing so hard.
“Did…. did this actually happen?! You didn’t make it up?”
“Dude, if I had made it up I think it would have a much happier ending.”
“This is hilarious.”
He found it so funny that when I returned from the mail run, a whole 30 minutes later. He was still laughing while showing the screen to Gina, another mail room worker, laughing, clearly reading off the comments one by one.
“And… this guy haha… says haha ‘Shaky handwriting Nikki, could be old and Rich.'” hahahaha”
What can I say? I live to please. And even though I never heard from the girl in question (though I did drive past her once years later walking out of the same carpark) I did learn that life is awesome. And sometimes even the most bizarre rejection can have positive side and be funny.