My Brief Career as a 31 year old High School newsreporter for a High School I didn’t attend

So one Saturday morning a couple of weeks ago my phone bleeped to inform me of the following email:

From: “The Skybox Editor” <readtheskybox@gmail.com>
Date: 12/12/2015 7:22 AM
Subject: New Account
To: <Liamdsmith@gmail.com> Cc:

Hey Liam,

WordPress should send you an email, but here is your information:
Username: liamsmith
Password: *******

Thanks,
Chase

~Editor
The Skybox
Skyline High School’s student-run newspaper
readtheskybox.com

Intriguing, considering as I was 31 years Old, lived in Australia, and didn’t even work on my old school newsletter when I actually was in High School. Now clearly, Liam Smith being a relatively common name (with the surname ‘Smith’ you’re always going to have a lot of people who share your name) what had happened was I’d received the login details for a similarly named individual who lived over the other side of the world and had just gotten a job working for his high school student-run newspaper.

So I did what I considered the only logical thing: I wrote an article.


REVOLUTION!

Students, I call upon you today with a great declaration:
We must take the Science Labs for our own and declare ourselves
our own Sovereign nation. We will secede from the American
government and become the Kingdom of Liam. (The name will be
put to a vote, but I think this kind of has a ring to it.)

Now, we may meet some resistance but I have been informed we
have some World of Warcraft players in the student body who
are highly capable of strategic planning. We have a three
stage battle plan if it is required that involves sending a
human shield of unarmed Instagram users into the fray of heavily
armed forces of law enforcement that may entail.

As a note to this: Instagram users are guaranteed citizenship
and will be held in the most highest regard.

We will come up with a monarch system of sorts once the takeover
has occured. The current plan is to raid the school at 12pm on
Friday the 19th December.

Our chief military officer has organised to steal beds from the
school nurse and drama department to faciliate our founding of
a new country.

Those who bring food, supplies and weapons will be given knighthoods
and places in royalty.

Now is our time! We can become our own country where we can make our
own rules!

OUR TIME IS NOW!

I hit ‘Submit Post’ and was greeted by a message saying it had been submitted ‘for approval’ to the site admin. This was a little disheartening. All that work (all ten minutes of it, I’d written it in my lunch break on Monday morning) and it would not make it past the approval stages.

Then again, years earlier my housemate and I had written an ad for a new housemate years earlier that was equally questionable (there was a reference to the housemate being female, double jointed, and open minded about her sexuality) that was also ‘submitted for approval’ and was ‘approved’ 12 hours later. So I had high hopes this would also happen again.

It didn’t.

The Post remained in limbo although I noticed the login details remained the same as I was still able to login to the site. Surely the callous admin who had rejected my exceptionally written post would have questioned why an article was written and remedied the problem?

On the upside, one my friends suggested the post in question could lead to expulsion of the student in question.
This didn’t happen. I know because this wasn’t the last email I received. A short after my post got rejected, this email arrived:


From: “The Skybox Editor” <readtheskybox@gmail.com>
Date: 18/12/2015 6:56 AM
Subject: Meeting Friday
To: (students emails for privacy reasons)
Cc:

Hey everybody!

We’re meeting tomorrow for the last time before 2016! We’ll continue what we were doing last time, and pretty much just chill. If you can’t make it, that’s cool.

Chase

Not only was the other Liam Smith not expelled… he was still unquestioningly on the newspaper staff. I contemplated writing another article but felt the truth was in order.


From: “Liam Smith” <liam.d.smith@gmail.com> Date: 21/12/2015 11:10 AM
Subject: Re: Meeting Friday
To: “The Skybox Editor” <readtheskybox@gmail.com>
Cc: (student emails removed for privacy reason)

So about now is when I should confess you actually emailed the wrong Liam Smith. (I’m 31 and I live in Australia) after receiving my namesake’s login details I *did* write the below article that was devastatingly not approved by your site admin.
All the best.
Liam

They are yet to reply. I can only assume they are all stunned in silence by my awesomeness.

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